I'm a bit of a gambler by nature.

maybe it's my optimistic perspective--wounded as it may be in 2025, in an age of dry vessels the glass is half full at about 46%--but random chance seems to work out in my favor more than it statistically should...whatever tiny inflection in The Force apparently surrounds me has constantly been producing fun little items, unexpected bonus experiences, narrow escapes, and small cash prizes for my entire life.

I'm a pretty lucky mf.

sure they say we're all pretty lucky just to wake up, and I hope as my friend you always keep in mind how fucking fortunate you are that you didn't have to try digging through the trash to find a meal today (AND MAYBE NOT FIND IT) but I'm not even talking about that right now...that's next week or something.

what I'm saying here now is I'm not one of these people who "never win anything, omg." in fact, I once made that TV-joke around ZiZi as I was winning yet another raffle prize at some event...if looks could kill, she woulda landed me in traction at a glance.

this is not a framing device...I was once (legitimately!) struck by a speeding subway train. I will not elaborate at this time, as I am very tired from dancing last night, moving all my extremities n such.

...so when the opportunity arises, it does tickle my fancy to cast the ole die.

here's the thing tho: I don't gamble with anything boring like money. what would you win anyway...money? I had that when I wagered it, that's fn dumb! 

besides, seen enough threads about mfs crawling to the ATM to gamble their bus ticket back from Vegas on the penny slots then crying like a little bxtch in the lobby...like, the stories are bad. 

if I must lose a wager I at least wanna win a good story, damn.

so what I do instead is stuff like start a band and hope it goes anywhere at all...does that sound like a risky proposition or what? 

here, let's tie these points together...stop reading this blog entry right now, searchbox "musician jokes" and see how long it is before you either chuckle sensibly or go "damn that's true."

(the gamble here, of course, is that you make it back to this piece of the Internet after leaving the window for any length of time at all...as someone who pretty regularly spends hours swimming through reddit, I get it.)

so yeah, hoping to pay the rent with music that principally addresses the absurdity of housing as a commodity and subscription service is...dicey.

still, my innermost self is always down to "buy the ticket and take the ride."

scaling the idea down to the smaller business of getting bar gigs for a local music band, I'm not a mf who just sits around making noise and clicking buttons in the bedroom, dreaming big and waiting for life-changing opportunities to waft in through the window on the summer breeze.

sometimes opportunity doesn't even knock. 

sometimes you gotta chase that mf down the block, bop it with a brick, and drag it all the way to back your doormat.

that's not EXACTLY what my father said when I was younger, but it's a pretty convincing replica.

point is you gotta get out there. like most games outside of Russian Roulette, it's all about averages.

like, you gotta take the gig on a bad day...Tuesday, you say? let's rock! maybe The People will demand us on a different afternoon as well.

the venue unmentioned by name in this segment has since closed, but our legacy is still enshrined in searchbox reviews referencing "that cool band from Tuesdays." 

way I see it, the band outlasted the bar...The People did in fact demand us on a different day.

hell sometimes the place doesn't usually do live music and...I say SO TF WHAT?? maybe they've just been looking for the right band!

gotta ask if they ever thought about it, dreamed about it. (and also "what the budget is for live music", most polite way to speak the words "$$$?") make them say "no" TO YOUR FACE

we've played in a bookstore, at a pizzeria, in the parking lot of a chicken joint because a gig is a gig is a gig. we are The Pleasant Uprising, gracias por venir!!!

[hold for applause]

you gotta go to that other event too, even when you may not feel like it. you never know who you're gonna meet in these streets plus a good time might just sneak up on ya...you can't really fake being likable, but if you can muster any juice at all it's usually better to go. usually.

hey, aren't I the guy who set up the weekly local meetup group? hmm.

game was rigged before either of us were born...why can't I load the dice sometimes too?

certainly worked out yesterday at the fest. coincidentally coinciding with the year anniversary of the group's founding--again, by Zi and me--the demonstration was well attended and popularly reviewed...also the forecasted rain held off most of the day.

"popularly reviewed" is our doing...we wrote cool songs that people like to hear. there's no life-hack version of that.

"well attended" meets right at the nexus point between agency and happenstance...the group activities all year made it more likely that people would come to a group activity we planned, although you can never predict people's...idk, dental appointments or whatever. 

"no rain" is pure luck, nothing do be done there but wait for the dice to settle.

so sure we got a little sprinkle of good fortune--no project formed will prosper without such small blessings--but the luck fell upon the fertile ground we prepared.

also very lucky to know people that make the countless hours I spend plotting in my lair worth it...much love for the cake Kerry!!!

we fucking won...love it when a plan comes together.

still, you can definitely fall short of the jackpot...I'm happy if I come back from a show with not less money than I left with and had a blast doing it, but I realize I'm the only one who gets off on gambling this way so there have been times where I as team captain have offered to take a smaller slice of The Almighty Envelope in order to keep my compatriots' pay at scale.

experiences are also a valuable prize. inedible, but I do savor them.

I invest so much of my time and energy in this because I, like all gamblers, fools, and protagonists, fully believe in what I am doing. 

I will spin the wheel 'til I make the deal...this, I swear.

guess some of that unwillingness to settle for less than what fills my spirit comes out of my core belief that things could possibly be worse, but they could INARGUABLY BE A LOT BETTER.

people have said I "push my luck" like it's a bad thing...like, this can't be the full extent of serendipity, given this unobstructed view of the Industrial Revolution's ass end I have here. 

like, true, I wasn't born a child lithium miner or sex slave in one of those regions deemed an acceptable loss by the psychopaths that have seized the future of our only world...but otoh there DO NOT have to be child lithium miners and sex slaves. we could seize our future the fuck back. drag it to our doormat together, through blood and fire and tears.

it IS a gamble to even acknowledge this reality, hell it's illegal in some jurisdictions...and so sometimes, additional finesse is required to achieve the desired outcome(s).

something like a game of Mancala, at times I must use the stones to destroy the stones.

part of my calculations in starting this project here in this sunny city by the sea is that it's also one of the most popular visiting destinations on this side of the planet...yes, like all tourist towns it is a hypercapitalist hellscape of soft colonization...but every individual who happens to encounter us here may take us and our words home. 

home, far away, to take root like a dandelion seed, softly kissed by lips I will never meet. to spread like a rueful grin from ear to ear across the continent and around our pale blue dot. to echo in ears and resonate in minds.

to maybe just maybe "sever the cord" (after all, our song "apagón" is definitely inspired by our time here).

anyways, that's the fantasy. the flicker of hope that draws me either closer to the coruscance of divinity or straight into a bug zapper.

the reality is that right now I more get paid for loading in gear before our shows than performing music...but with clear eyes and a full heart, I can't lose.

probably.

right?

like, I'm still pretty new to this form of expression, but I've been an artist for a while...I know people both undervalue creativity and overestimate the quality of our lives without it.

my adult life has mostly been a gamble that I can doublehandedly change that.

...but on an actual factual level, it still remains to be seen whether I'm living through the prequel to something special or just a degenerate gambler with colorful coping mechanisms.

either way I'm pushing my chips toward the human race so guess we gonna find out together yall.

all power to The People.


--Flor!